ya dads aren't the best wingmen
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
