I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
