i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wear drunk well.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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