I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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