just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
