i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
