the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
