I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
