I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
