So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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