I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's the barista slut.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
