I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
