Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
