zippers are such a cool invention
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
