1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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