This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
