I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
