Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
