she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
