When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
