I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
