What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
