Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
