Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
