new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
