He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
