sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
