when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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