I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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