Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
