My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
