Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize