I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
