sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
