his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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