Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
