I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
