I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
