I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
