dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
