ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
