we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
