Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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