I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
