R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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