I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
