There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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