Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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