I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
