uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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