You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
