MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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