she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just pynch a tree in the face
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Randomize
