Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
