I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
