SEEEEXXX PLEASE
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
