I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
