the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
