I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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