Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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