She's JV to your varsity
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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