I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
