This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
