can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
