Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
