the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
