We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
