Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
