don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
