Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
